I believe that charisma is one of the most influential qualities a person can have, which is probably why it’s generally very sought after by both men and women.
A lot of people talk about charisma as a trait we develop with practice. However, working as a confidence and communication coach and helping others to be more charismatic, I’ve come to realize something else: that charisma is mostly something we already have in us, but its expression is often blocked by bad attitudes and communication habits.
So the issue isn’t developing charisma; it’s rather setting free the inner charisma we already have. I’ve discovered several strategies that will allow you to unleash your inner charisma, which I wanna share with you here.
How to Unleash Your Inner Charisma and Become More Likeable.
1. Accept That You Can’t Please Everyone.
Many of us have a strong desire to please every person we meet, and we dread being disliked by others.
Unfortunately, this attitude is a genuine charisma killer. Because when you wanna please everybody, you end up acting in a needy, insecure and fake way, which is anything but alluring.
So it’s important to come to terms with the fact you can’t please everybody.
A simple way to do this is to consciously hold this thought in mind, especially when in social settings. Practice thinking that you can’t please everyone, and that that’s okay.
The more you use this mindset, the more you relax in social settings. You become visibly more authentic, more expressive, and you stand out more. That may not get all people to like you, but it will sure make many of them see you as a lot more charismatic.
Related article: These Behaviours Make You Toxic; Stop Doing Them!
2. Be More Spontaneous.
One of the key distinctive traits of charismatic people is their spontaneity when engaging others. They don’t spend too much time thinking about what they’ll say or do.
If they feel like asking a certain question, they will
. If they feel like making a certain joke, they will. If they wanna hug somebody, they will.
This kind of spontaneity is a great behavior to consciously practice. When you find yourself in a social setting or conversation, deliberately try to think less, be more outgoing and behave more on the spur of the moment.
- Whatever comes to your mind in the moment, say it.
- Whatever you feel like doing, do it.
This kind of unreserved behavior is a bit more risky because at times your actions may be perceived as odd by some folks, but it’s also very charismatic. Or perhaps, it’s charismatic precisely because it’s more risky.
3. Express Vulnerability.
Many of us have been taught to feel bad about our flaws or shortcomings and try to hide them from others.
However, by doing so, not only that we come across as fake and impersonal, but we also miss out on a great experience: the experience of deeply connecting with others.
Charismatic people are not afraid to show vulnerably. They can talk openly about their past mistakes, they acknowledge their flaws, and they’re frequently the first to make jokes about their own person.
Although we’re used to thinking that expressing this kind of vulnerability makes us unlikable, it actually makes us more likeable and helps us connect with others at a deeper level. Because people know we all have flows, even if we hide them. When we express them openly, at least we convey courage and self-acceptance: two very alluring traits.
4. Leverage Social Momentum.
As we interact with one or more people, we get in a certain headspace. We stop being self-conscious; we become more talkative, more in the zone, and better attuned to the vibe of those around us. I like to think of this as getting social momentum. This is a big part of what makes us charismatic.
The problem is that many of us interact with others infrequently and for brief periods of time. So we rarely get enough social momentum. We seldom acclimatize fully to the social environment we’re in, so we’re not our best selves socially.
This is why it’s a good idea to try and interact more with people, and for longer periods of time, especially if you’re somewhat shy and you often tend to avoid social situations.
Thus, you leverage the power of social momentum to put the best version of yourself out there.
Inside of you, there is a very charming and exciting person, which people are eager to meet and get close to. But it’s your responsibility to create the proper context for this person to come out and play.
You wanna get in the right mindset, and adopt a social behavior that stimulates your best self to surface, by using the strategies above. Every time you do so, other people will enjoy your company more, and you’ll enjoy their company more in return.
How do you let your charismatic self out to play?
Eduard Ezeanu provides coaching for people who wanna take their social skills to the next level, and helps them build better relationships in all areas of their life. He writes regularly on his blog, People Skills Decoded, where he seeks to offer practical insights with each new article.