8 Gradual Steps to Getting Over a Breakup

When I broke up with my first girlfriend, I was only twenty years old. The relationship only lasted for a bit, but I clearly remember the pain and depression from the fall out.

For those who've been through a breakup, or is currently going through one, I bet you know what I'm talking about. Nothing sucks more than waking up in your bed, registering in your head that you've broken up and you just know that it's going to be a bad day.

You also feel lost on what to do next.

Indeed, breakups can be both painful and tricky. You have to let time heal you and also take the reins to want to be better.

Here's 8 gradual steps to getting over a breakup.

1. First and foremost, attain closure.

A lot of pain from a breakup comes from constant questioning. If you're always wondering, "What exactly happened?" or "What if I did this instead?", it's definitely going to be a lot harder on you.

Get the closure you need. Do what it takes to talk to your ex-partner. Clarify every single doubt and eliminate all grey areas.

That way, you can move on and look ahead without feeling that you need to look back. This is still going to hurt, but at least you're finally moving forward.

Related article: How can you tell if your relationship is strong?

2. Seek a third-party perspective.

When I broke up with that first girlfriend, I instantly had a barrage of (mostly bad) comments about her from my friends.

I was shocked. I wondered what was so bad about her that made my friends have such a bad impression.

As much as you think you know your partner, sometimes, you're blind to certain things. You can't see what others, especially your friends and family can see.

It's good to get a different point of view. This will help you move on as you grow, learn and evolve with all your relationships.

3. Shift your thoughts to the last word.

As hard as this may sound, at the end of the day, your thoughts create your reality


Your breakup will be tough if you think it's tough. You'll miss your partner if you keep thinking of him or her.

So start in your head. It may sound far-fetched, but it works. You cannot go wrong in life with positive thoughts.

4. Do something already.

No matter what, take action. Just. Do. Something.

Force yourself to do it even though you don't feel like it.

To take it a step further, do something new. Try things you've never done before. This goes beyond simply distracting yourself. It's about taking action with your body. And what the body does, the mind follows.

5. Have something to look forward to every single day.

You definitely have something that appeals to you in life. Go for it.

If you want to lessen the pain, then slot in a highlight for your days to come.

To add to that, perhaps this may sound controversial, but I personally recommend a little bit of vice. If you think a bit of alcohol or smoking will help, then go for it.

But again, I've to emphasize that it's just a little bit. A bit of escapism is okay, but addiction is not.

6. Start dating again.

Want to move on and get over a breakup? Then start seeing other people. It's as simple as that. It's a one-for-one solution and the best form of distraction.

The trick is though, to actually allow yourself to start dating again. Once you give yourself a chance, you can start to realize that there's someone better out there for you.

Related article: 12 secrets of happy couples.

Think about it: You broke up because your relationship failed. That means he or she wasn't the right one for you. Your next relationship will be better, guaranteed.

So give yourself the chance to explore and start dating again. The prospect of a better future with a better someone will help you.

7. Remember that you're in charge.

What you think about and how you feel is entirely up to you. No one can make you feel what you don't want to feel without your permission, not even your ex. Time will indeed heal all your wounds, but that doesn't mean you need to sit around and wait.

Recommended read: How to strenghten your relationships.

8. Breakups hurt, but you will be fine.

Ultimately, know that you'll be fine. Things are going to be okay.

The pain is only temporary and will not last forever. You aren't going to die from a breakup. So take it easy.

How do you deal with a breakup? Got any advice to share with us? Feel free to do so in the comments!

Alden Tan is a writer and a breakdancer who blogs about honest and real stories. Check out his free book, 12 Things Happy People Don't Give A F**k About!