I think its fair to say that most of us want to be liked. We are predominately social beings and a fundamental element of that is receiving acceptance from others. We are conditioned from an early stage to act in a way that ingratiates us with others. However, this shouldn’t be at the expense of ourselves.
That said the response we get from others when we have managed to say no can leave us feeling guilty or selfish.
We don’t generally want to upset others and it can seem easier in the short term to bend to their will. Generally speaking human beings feel and strive for acceptance and respect from others and it can sometimes seem easier to say yes than dealing with the reactions when we learn to say NO.
What you have to consider is the cost to yourself. We relinquish a little bit of our power and our control every time we say yes when we should really say no and in turn we disrespect our own needs by making them less important than the needs of others.
There is no doubt that the reasoning can be internally justified if it’s for a good cause or that it won’t take too long. The bigger picture is quite different. What are we setting ourselves up for, are we creating unrealistic demands on our time and energy?
5 Reasons You Must Say NO More Often
REDUCTION OF STRESS
Trying to please everyone comes at a cost. You will most probably have heard the terms ‘people pleasing’. There is no doubt that being concerned about other peoples feelings is very important. But, the cost to your health and wellbeing can take its toll.
Unexpected and unrealistic demands on oneself causes anxiety, tension, aches and pains, this often causes us to lose sleep as well. Reduce resulting stress on your own being or it can be costly.
YOU WILL FEEL LESS RESENTFUL
In the perfect world the majority of people value social harmony, avoid conflict, and try to attain acceptance from others. This can be exhausting and unachievable. Even if you say yes to everyone you still won’t be fully satisfying their need.
Their demands will grow and you will quickly realise the more you do the more you will be expected to do This will perhaps breed inner resentment for the person but most definitely for yourself
. Think, is it worth doing if you’re not doing it with a good heart? If the answer is no, then the answer should be no.
YOU WILL SLEEP BETTER
If you take control of the stresses and demands placed on you then you will be able to believe in your ability to achieve the tasks. Its simple, the clearer your mind the more of a great nights sleep you’ll get.
Control the demands you self imposed and you will balance the inner harmony for yourself.
YOU WILL FEEL MORE CONFIDENT
It’s ok to say no, it will breed respect in the long term, and you improve confidence in yourself. Others will begin to realise your limits and what you are able and prepared to do.
You’ll get much more out of helping someone else if you genuinely want to help and this will make you feel better. Don’t forget every time you say “no” to others, you’re actually saying “yes” to yourself. The control is yours, own it,. Make the decisions consciously, know what you are prepared to do, remain solid and honour your boundaries.
MORE TIME TO ATTEND TO YOUR NEEDS
Before you can help anyone else you must have attended to your own needs. How can you do this if all your time and energy has been given to another. Balance in life is fundamental to quality of life. Make time for what makes you happy, enjoy your life.
Be strict with yourself, life shouldn’t be disproportionately weighed to one aspect alone. You must monitor and maintain the equilibrium if you are ever to achieve peace and contentment, and to protect your energy.
Be mindful that saying no can invoke disappointment or anger from others but if you do it in the right way and remain solid you will quickly instil a more reasonable expectation from others. The power is yours and only you can give it away. It is precious, hold it and nurture it.